Everyone's parent has a computer with digital AIDS. Here's how to cure it.
The Setup
It's 5pm on a Thursday. I'm visiting mum in Australia, six beers deep. She points at her iMac.
"It doesn't work anymore. Just spins."
The pinwheel of death. Classic.
Then she points at the Acer laptop in the corner.
"That one's worse. Every time I click something, Microsoft Edge opens. There's popups everywhere. I just want to go on Google."
Mum's official review of both computers: "Two fucking heaps of shit."
She's not wrong. This is exactly why I wrote about The Real AGI Test — if your 70-year-old mum can't use it without calling you, it's not good enough.
The Diagnosis
The iMac: Death by Bloat
- Model: iMac 21.5-inch, Late 2015
- Age: 10 years old
- RAM: 8GB (barely enough for modern macOS)
- Storage: 1TB spinning hard drive (not SSD)
- Problem: GarageBand, iMovie, Dropbox, Slack, Microsoft Office, random shit she never installed
The thing had digital AIDS. Years of "helpful" software updates, app installations she didn't ask for, and background services eating resources.
macOS Monterey on a 2015 iMac with a spinning hard drive is like putting a V8 engine in a shopping trolley. Technically possible. Practically painful.
The Acer: Windows AIDS from OfficeMax
- Model: Acer Aspire 3 (Ryzen, 1080p)
- Age: Maybe 2 years
- Problem: Pre-installed bloatware hell
This thing came from OfficeMax with more AIDS than a 1980s bathhouse: - Microsoft Edge opening itself - Copilot trying to "help" - McAfee popups - Acer bloatware - Random "PC Cleaner" bullshit - Dropbox asking for money - OneDrive syncing nothing
You click Chrome, Edge opens. You close a popup, two more appear. It's like whack-a-mole but you always lose.
The Cure
Step 1: Nuclear Option (Both Machines)
There's no cleaning this up. You don't negotiate with AIDS. You nuke it.
For the iMac: 1. Restart, hold Command + R 2. Disk Utility → Erase Macintosh HD 3. Reinstall macOS 4. Start fresh
For the Windows laptop: 1. Settings → System → Recovery 2. Reset this PC → Remove everything 3. DO NOT sign into Microsoft account 4. Local account only
Step 2: Don't Reinstall the AIDS
The secret is what you DON'T install after the reset:
Don't install: - Microsoft Office (use Google Docs in browser) - Dropbox (use Google Drive in browser) - McAfee or any "antivirus" - Anything that says "FREE" in all caps - Anything from the App Store you didn't explicitly search for
Do install: - Chrome - That's it
Mum needs Chrome. Mum gets Chrome. Nothing else.
Step 3: The Real Solution - Linux?
Here's the thing. Both these operating systems are designed to upsell you:
macOS: "New update! It needs 12GB and will make your 10-year-old computer slower!"
Windows: "Let me integrate Copilot into everything! Sign into Microsoft! Edge is your default now! Here's some Candy Crush!"
You know what doesn't do that? Linux.
Ubuntu. Debian. Linux Mint. They just... work. No upselling. No Copilot. No Edge. No forced updates that brick your machine. If you're technical enough to run terminal-based AI agents, you can definitely set up Linux for your mum.
For a computer that just needs to: - Open Chrome - Check email - Not piss you off
Linux is genuinely the answer. But it requires a USB stick and 30 minutes of setup. Worth it if you're sick of corporate AIDS.
The Bigger Problem
My mum is 70. She bought a computer to browse the internet. That's it.
But the computer industry has decided that's not profitable enough. So they:
- 1.Bloat the OS every year so old hardware becomes unusable
- 2.Pre-install garbage so OEMs get kickbacks
- 3.Force cloud accounts so they can harvest data
- 4.Push "upgrades" that are really just forced obsolescence
A 2015 iMac should still work fine for browsing. It has more power than the computers we used to send people to the moon. But Apple decided it needs 8GB of RAM just to render the desktop.
A brand new Acer should work out of the box. But Acer decided to pre-install 47 programs nobody asked for.
This is corporate AIDS, and our parents are the victims.
The Solution (For Real)
If you're reading this because your parent's computer is fucked, here's the actual playbook:
- 1.Factory reset - Nuclear option, no negotiation
- 2.Local account only - No Microsoft, no iCloud syncing everything
- 3.Chrome only - Everything else happens in the browser
- 4.Consider Linux - If you're willing to set it up, it's genuinely better
- 5.Don't touch it - Seriously, don't install anything else. Ever.
The best computer is a dumb computer. The less it does, the less can break.
Bonus: The Fucking Printer
Because of course there's a printer.
Brother HL-L2400DW - a perfectly good laser printer that Brother decided needs an app to set up.
The Problem: You used to plug a printer in and it worked. Now you need: - Download an app - Create an account - Connect your phone to the printer's WiFi - Then connect the printer to your WiFi - Then add it to the app - Then it still doesn't work
The Solution: Skip the app entirely. Use WPS:
- 1.Hold the Wi-Fi button on the printer for 2 seconds
- 2.Press the WPS button on your router
- 3.They handshake automatically
- 4.Print from any device - AirPrint just finds it
No app. No account. No bullshit.
TL;DR
- Old computers get slow because of bloatware, not age
- Factory reset fixes everything
- Don't install shit after the reset
- Linux is the real answer if you're brave
- Skip the app, use WPS for printers
- Your mum deserves better than corporate AIDS
Written from mum's couch, watching progress bars fill while drinking beers.
FAQ
Hold Command + R at startup to enter Recovery Mode. From there, open Disk Utility, erase Macintosh HD, then reinstall macOS. You don't need the old password — the nuke is absolute.
Yes. Everything. That's the point. Back up anything important to Google Drive or a USB stick first. But honestly, if mum hasn't touched those files in 5 years, she won't miss them.
Once it's set up, yes. Linux Mint looks familiar, runs Chrome perfectly, and doesn't nag you with updates or upsells. The hard part is the initial installation — you'll need 30 minutes and a USB stick. After that, it's smoother than Windows or macOS for basic browsing.
Bloatware. Every program that runs at startup, every toolbar that got installed, every "helpful" cloud sync eating bandwidth. Old computers aren't slow because they're old — they're slow because they're drowning in software they never asked for.
Fix it first. A 2015 iMac with a factory reset will outperform a brand new $400 laptop loaded with crapware. The problem is almost never hardware — it's software AIDS. Nuke it, keep it minimal, and save your money.
Mum's official rating: "Two fucking heaps of shit" → "They work now."